breadmuffs | ic inbox

No. It isn't fair at all.

[Some of his own grief seeps into those words...and some of his anger. Amelia's confirmation is slowly sinking in properly and becoming more and more of an upsetting reality. His grip on Amelia tightens a little bit though not enough for anything to become painful.]

[She can hear it, feel it, the start of his pain, and it... helps. A lot more than she could describe if asked. Her eyes fall closed as she nuzzles her forehead against him and redoubles her grip on him.]

I'm sorry. [That she was the one to tell him. That she even had to deliver the news. That she's so overwhelming in her grief that he hasn't had a chance to read Wolfe's words yet. Her heart aches as she thinks about what she's keeping him from by asking him to stay.]

I don't-- I-I want to have... something for you. But... [But there's nothing. No doubt he can tell, but dreams, it's unfair to have nothing after she's asked him here. She exhales a shaky breath and bites her lower lip.]

Promise... promise me you'll hold tight to what's still here. To who i-is still here. [Not to her, but to Essek. She's a Dominant, she can take care of herself. Or she can't and it'll be her own fucking fault for being so weak. That's not on him.] People s-still need you, and Wolfe... [Her Wolfe. Their Wolfe...] He'd want th-the same.

Will you promise me the same thing?

[It feels laughable, in an absurd sort of way, that Amelia is trying to make sure that he takes care of himself when her pain is so much more than his.

Still, his tone isn't chiding so much as it is both concerned and deeply sincere.

He's brushing aside her apology entirely, deeming it wholly unnecessary. In fact, he's not completely sure what it is she's apologizing for at all. It doesn't matter either way, though.]

[It's unfair that he asks her for anything. Unfair that he wants her to promise something she's always done. Unfair that she's trying to take care of him and he's refusing to let her. She wants him to be safe, to be loved in the way he deserve and that this place barely allows when it tears them apart like this so often. To be appreciated by someone who's known him long enough and well enough to be something more to him and who won't hurt him like she can, like she will if he stays this close.

Can't he see she wants to protect him from herself?

Can she hold on to all those she loves... cares for here? Can she promise she'll do that when it means being so selfish with him?]

I will. I... I promise.

[She's going to hurt him with this someday, she knows it, can feel it in her bones. But dreams damn her and nightmares take her, she doesn't ever want to let go of him.]

[Caleb's tighter embrace loosens, though he certainly isn't letting Amelia go. His lips brush over her temple before he answers in a murmur:]

Thank you.

[He does not for one second believe that what he's asked of her is easy at this moment. But that doesn't mean that it isn't important or that he very much hopes that she'll be able to keep that promise. He will do his best to support her in keeping the promise.]

Let's lie down for a little while?

[She nods, not trusting her voice at all after this. What if she says the wrong thing to him? What if she says the right thing and it turns out to be the last she has the chance to say before he's gone forever? The spiraling thought is enough to have her crying against him again once they've struggled into the bed.

Her bed. Only hers. No one else's. It belongs to her alone.

Again.

She means to send him away at some point, to encourage him home to Essek and to avoid getting in trouble on her behalf. As weak as she is right now, she cares more about his well-being than her own. Sacrificing herself, her happiness or body or whatever else it takes, for those she loves-- cares for is always her first choice over any other option that may present itself. This time, though... she can't. Tears cloud her vision and warm arms hold her, and before she can stop herself or tell him to leave, she drifts away in his arms, sleep taking her to dreams that will pain her more when she wakes. It's terrible and she should have told him to go, but she didn't.

Dreams, she hopes he'll forgive her or let her pay whatever fine the city imposes if he stays all night. He deserves so much more when he's hurting too, and she'll do everything she can to give that to him in the weeks to come.]

ic inbox | duplicity

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject